Almost a month here

Well, I've been here almost a month, and to be completely honest, at this point it blows!  I have no money, and no one to give me a moment's respite from my child!
 What mother says that?  A mother who has spent EVERY SINGLE SECOND with her child for almost a complete month, that's what mother says that.  I feel so uncomfortable right now it's unreal.  I have no way to go look for a job because her dad has a job, and he's gone when I should be looking for a job.  I scan the want ads, but everything wants a resume and cover letter, and I've been out of the job market since I got pregnant, so 4 years now.

What fun that is, typing up a resume when the last job I had ended at the end of 2006.  Even if my resume managed to get me an interview, I can't count on him to stay home and watch his daughter so I can go look for a job, he won't even find out what the fuck needs to be done to get her in daycare.  He and I are complete strangers who live in the same house, but it doesn't matter that we live under the same roof because I am always attached to Sera's hip right now.  I have to make sure she doesn't make too much noise, or break anything, or DO ANYTHING, because this isn't even our house, we're staying at his parents house.  I feel like a complete mooch, they won't let me help with dinner, I can't buy groceries, I feel like my contribution to this house is a fricken package of toilet paper.



I'm bawling like a baby as I type this, and it's outrageous, a person shouldn't feel this way!  I have NO job, no way to go get a job, no prospects of finding a place to rent because I don't have enough income, and gee, NO way to go earn one either. 


Do I wish I could trade all this shit, and go back to Michigan?  No fuckin way, I'd rather spend the time here in misery because I know that my daughter gets to see her dad this way, and that's more important to me than anything else on this planet, including myself.   I just wish there was a way that I could be happy too.